I hate writing here. I hate myself but I can't do anything. I can't hit I don't want to hurt myself. I didn't want to suggest anything cuz I don't wanna sound repeatitive like I've been sounding for a long time now. Then he suggested something he wanted to do and I just up and mess it up. I hate myself I can't just can't. Why did I have to be so stupid. Haha that's not even the word haha. It's times like this that I think maybe I do deserve it. I can't complain. It's been stressful but I can't complain. I don't talk about it I don't want to whine I don't want to do nothing. Just want to stare at the cam screen and be quiet and do some browsing and not become needy at night and do nothing can't I just do that why can't I just do that and must be such an idiot and have to ruin it all.]' all my fault it's this time all my fault and if i apologize he'd think worse of me like he does already when i apologize all those other times why can't i just be better i want to be good to him of all people i hate myself haha and he's gonna read this and think i've gone mental hahaha or really it's not important Tags: help
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